nina_the_explorer's Xanga

Your World Is As Big As You Make It

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 09:34:57 GMT

RULES for my boyfriend (if ever):

1. Never keep me away from my God. If you do, you're not worth it.

2. No to premarital sex...

3. Take me baby, or leave me.

4. I refuse to believe I'm lower than you. I am not inferior.

5. Always prove to me that you're worthy of my love, cause I promise you, I deserve yours.

*and that was by ereeka mesiona (or at least, i copied it from her planner. hahaha. YAN! MAY RECOGNITION NA PO! :D)

Hold your weapons, ready your army, save all you can and brace for the coming attack: the Hell Weeks have arrived.

So, yes, the battle is now beginning. Three more weeks of endless lessons, homeworks and tests. Three more weeks of waking up early and sleeping just hours before that. Three more weeks of stress. Three more weeks of sacrifice. Three more weeks of hell school. And then...we're free.

I just can't believe it.

Freedom is finally in reach.

Now that I see summer fast approaching, I'm actually getting impatient. The past few days seem to go by so slowly. Can't time go faster? Right now, I'm about to cry in frustration cause I'm so stressed out (I know, hard to believe since I still find time to update my blog). And I can't imagine what it'll be like next year..with more difficult topics to absorb and with Banaag meetings. I wonder if I'll survive. But whatever. I've never been the future kind of person. I'll think of those problems when I'm there already, thank you very much. Enough has been laid on my shoulders for now.

One thing to look forward to is the freshnight, though. Yes, all the FreshCom's hard work will finally pay off. Hopefully our batchmates will support all the sacrifice we've done to make this event happen. If not, oh well, it's their loss not ours. To all those reading now, I really invite you to come to SPECTRUM! MCHS PINK BATCH'S NIGHT OF FUN AND MUSIC. I promise you you'll have no regrets coming to this party. It's defintely going to be better than last year's bash. 100% better. The 175 will be totally worth it.

Another thing I'm so dying to experience is the examination. Pfffttt.. Yeah, right. Like hell that's going to happen. What I was going to say was I'm looking forward to the ONE ELEVEN class outing, which I'm organizing together with the other officers. Yup, yup. We have a place set already, just the transportation is the problem. But we'll find a way, we always do. We've got everything set; breakfast, lunch, snack, dinner, games, songs, music and everything. I just pray that the parents will help us financially and will allow their daughters to go. If not, I dread it’ll be a little hard to make happen. I’ll even beg on my knees just for their agreement. That’s how bad I want this to push through. Because, shockingly, I am going to miss the class (it’s shocking because just months ago, our bond wasn’t even that close—but now we’re inseparable) and I really want the last opportunity of our bonding to be just fabulous and memorable. Gosh, I think I’m going to cry. Anyway, there’s just so much that can happen if this pursues. Wait, this will pursue. I’ll see to that myself.

In the days when projects seem to suffocate me, I’m actually alright. I mean, yeah I’m getting uglier due to the stress but that can be fixed. (It can be, right?) What amazes me is that my spirit is still able to fight, still positive. Because normally, I’d have gone all whiny and sleepy and surly this will disrupt my study time. But nope. I’m still standing. Maybe it’s American Idol. Uh-huh. Maybe it is. I love the show (even though it isn’t meant for me, a Filipino who didn’t even religiously watch Philippine Idol)! The Pinoy guy got voted out though. ARG! Americans have such bad taste in music…joking. He was so good though and it’s so unfair that the ugly and boring guy still got to stay. That’s just life, I guess. But anyway, LET’S GO BLAKE!! (He’s the blonde beatboxer(?)! Love him.)

Tatsulok by Bamboo is my inspiration. That song speaks so loudly about what’s happening. Habang may tatsulok, at sila ang nasatuktok di matatapos itong gulo…While there’s the pyramid, and they’re at the top, this squabble will not end. If you don’t know what that means, wake up dude. You’re a bit slow on current issues. But I like the fact that music is also now influenced by the global happenings and that they’re starting to open people’s eyes. That’s the beauty of music and lyrics. J Btw, if you haven’t heard the song, I recommend you do listen to it. The meaning is nice and, it’s the truth.

Today was the last club meeting. Awwww. I know I’m not exactly proud of the name of my club—because, really, it does no justice to our goals and what we’re doing. Plus it adds with it a negative connotation—but I am proud of the people in it. Love you guys. And I can’t believe that I made the impression to Miss that I didn’t like being there, because I did. It’s actually the most fun club I’ve joined. And trust me, that says a lot. All the bad things I’ve said, those we’re all just jokes (and don’t even give me that crap where jokes are half meant—mine aren’t…at least, not all.) But, yeah, I’m going to miss BLC. Really.

So, for the last paragraph of my blog, I’ll dedicate it to all that have been part of my first year high school experience. Even just a brief hello helped me. One thing I realized while going through the Banaag auditions (again) is that…nothing can bring me down. They’ve thrown words that are mean to me, but all of those were deflected, just like the Coriolis Effect (science corruption…tsktsk). It’s because of this: I oh so love myself! (Hello Yannah) And that’s all because of the people who are at my side and who show their love as well. I can’t thank you guys enough for all that you’ve done to mold me into a better person. Into a more sensitive, more loving, more considerate being. I hope a simple thanks is enough. Know that when I say this, I mean it a hundred fold. You all mean so much to me…and it’s going to be a really lonely road without you. Hopefully next year, our paths won’t be too far away. In the end, I know we’ll meet again and hopefully, we’ll be able to touch each other’s lives as well.

I love you all.

Anecdote of the day:

I stand near her side, suddenly feeling a strong current of emotions swell through me. I hug her, she hugs me back. Tears dwell in my eyes, and I fight the urge to break down.

“What if I give up now, Yannah?” I say, sobbing but trying hard to mask my sadness. I hear her breathing and feel her taking in my pain, just as I absorb hers when she’s in trouble. It takes a moment before she replies.

She sighs. “It’s all up to you. If it’s worth giving up, then just do it. If you know you’ll regret it later on, though, think about the consequences first.”

I let her words drown from my ears and into my heart. This gets me thinking. I wipe the moisture off my eyes and pull away from our embrace, taking the opportunity to stare into her eyes.

I smile weakly. “Yannah, what are we talking about?”

Yannah laughs. “Ewan! Ano ba?”

I chortle along with her. “Di ko din alam eh!!!”

Weirdness.

PS:: I'm so addicted to the computer speech thing. I've heard the computer dictate this blog so many times...and i've made it say a lot of wierd things. hahaha. :)) I'm so peculiar.

Ciao.

Bussi.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 06:56:18 GMT

One minute and the earth begins to shake
two minutes and my hearts begins to break
Another minute and he makes me feel brand new
That's just three minutes with you
Four minutes and he's everything I see
Five minutes and hes where I wanna be
Another minute everything feels so new
That's just six minutes with you

Feels like I have always known you
And I swear I dreamt about you
All those endless nights I was alone
It's like I've spent forever searching
Now I know that it was worth it
With you it feels like I am finally home

Falling head over heels
Thought I knew how it feels
But with you it's like the first day of my life

Cuz you leave me speechless
When you talk to me
You leave me breathless
The way you look at me
You manage to disarm me
My soul is shining through
Can't help but surrender
My everything to you

I thought I could resist you
I thought that I was strong
Somehow you were different from what I've known
I didn't see you coming
You took me by surprise and
You stole my heart before I could say no

Maybe there's beauty in goodbye
There's just no reason left to try
You push me away
Another black day
Let's count up the reasons to cry
Look what you've missed, living like this
Nobody wins

There's No Day But Today

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 06:39:27 GMT

I think I'm falling in love with Danny Alan David Jones. All over again.

Oh god.

It's surprising (and quite amusing) how cruel people can get. Just this thursday, we were dismissed late just for a Teen Seminar thingy. (I was the unfortunate emcee). Anyway, I was seated with Bea in front (yes, I forced her to come with me) and we were "listening" to the speaker talk. It was only about after five minutes when I noticed Bea counting something. "Ano yun?" I asked. Her reply: "Binibilang ko kung ilang 'Noh' yung sinasabi niya."

Great.

So it isn't new to me, this whole concept of tallying the word a person uses the most. I mean, back during middle school, my friends and I used to do the same with Ms. Uy's (I'm sorry by the way) and Mrs. Sarmiento's 'Noh'. Now I think my classmates are doing it with Ms. Mac's 'Oks'. But it still bugs me. I mean, I can't help think how the person talking might feel if she found out. Kakaawa. If I was in her place, I'd be really sad and angry. The good thing is, the speaker--or any of the other victims--didn't seem to notice that everytime she said that word, the students would all simultaneously bow down to put another tick on their paper/hands. An odd way of taking notes, she might've been thinking. And yet, I don't really reckon she's that dense or stupid. Or are she? It really fascinates me how people can keep on talking in front of an audience, even if they're all asleep or doing something else. I've had my share of speeches, but they're really brief ones, you know, not like the 55 minutes a teacher has to endure. Our BEC moderator is the champion of this, I guess. It's either he's really blind and deaf to the boredom of the students or he just doesn't mind. Teachers are just so complicated creatures. I promise you I'll never join their race...at least, not for a lifetime, because I have no guts to complete the sacrifices and the work they're doing.

Last Friday was the scheduled date with my mom. It was fun. We visited our usual hangout place (Robinsons Galleria) and watched Music and Lyrics. To those who have not seen the movie yet, you should! It's really funny and so romantic. Both my mom and I want to watch it again...Hugh Grant is the best. I love practically all his movies. Anyway, so yeah. We also bought me new school shoes. It was only earlier that day that my old ones decided to retire. It was actually already talking to me. :) I love my new shoes.

So the schook elections are tomorrow already. I'm not quite sure of whom to vote yet, though. But whatever, I'm sure of one person. BEA! Woohoo. Let's go, bestfriend. I really hope she wins because it's really going to be a hella fun rollercoaster ride for second year if she does. I wish our batch is smart enough to choose her.

Anyway, Ima go to church now. I'll check in sometime this week for more updates. :)

I love y'all. But mostly, I love Danny Jones.

Oh and before I forget:

NUMBER OF 'NOH's: 510.

You can imagine what it felt like hearing all of those.

Ciao.

Bussi.

There are Two Tragedies in Life, One is to Lose You Heart's Desire and the Other is To Gain It...

Tue, 20 Feb 2007 09:33:51 GMT

Whoever wrote that is right, I guess. I may not have fully understood it’s meaning during the very moment I heard the saying, but then as I ventured deeper into its context, I saw what was hidden. In life, it’s inevitable to get hurt. Without pain, you will never know what it feels to be painless. Without sadness, you will never find out the true meaning of joy. Without hate or indifference, you can never get to know the feeling of love.

So, I’ve been ranting about guys for the past few blogs. Sorry to say that today won’t be any different. Hopefully, though, I’ll be able to stop drowning in the world I so want to leave. Just yesterday, Eka and I were discussing how our lives are NOT to be decided by men. Who said they should be the center of our attention? What is their right to dictate to us what to do, how to feel and how to act? Only recently have I felt the feminist side of me awaken. For more than a month in the past, I was longing for excitement, thinking that this would come if I found someone to share my heart with. Oh, how wrong am I? I guess I was just focusing on the wrong things. This can go the other way around too, if you know what I mean.

“I care for him and that's why I hate to know that I'm hurting him somehow. I've felt the pain, that's why I don't to inflict it upon others. Because, really, when you know someone's hurting because of you, you get hurt too. :) You know I'm not the kind of person who just lets this happen. I've got to do something to end this madness. I'll go back to my boy-less life anytime, please. If only I could find my way back there.”

This is derived from the e-mail I wrote sometime in the past. Yes, I do hate it when that situation occurs. Now, I’ve got a pretty good hunch of it happening, not because someone told me about it, but because when it comes to this matter, I’m sensitive.

There are three guys I mention previously. I’m going to uncode half of them. The first is Julian Lazaro. The second shall remain unnamed and the third was christened Paul. I’m stating this just so there’s no confusion. So now there’s this new dude. I like him, as a person and as a friend. Actually, I enjoy his company, everytime we’re together. He doesn’t say much, but I like the fact that when I’m around him, I feel a sense of serenity and calmness. I like the fact that he remembers me and isn’t a snob. I like the fact that he likes me too. What I don’t want is that there’s something ripping our friendship apart. I don’t know what it is exactly, if I did, I would’ve done something about it a long time ago. Anyway, I can’t believe I’m going to admit this but I miss him. Or, rather, I miss hearing from him. It’s just all kinda weird for me. I am, though, going to say a few things to this guy (who hopefully gets to read this one day. I know there was a time he got into my blogs, I just hope he’s here now, to see the one dedicated to him). I’m sorry. For everything. I’m not sorry for knowing you but, instead, I’m sorry if ever I hurt you. I’m sorry IF you feel like something’s eating your heart up. Let me share a piece of advice that was once passed on to me. If you can’t get the person you love, no matter how hard you try, I promise you, there will always be someone else. This applied to me and maybe, just maybe, it will for you too. I love you, my friend. And I miss you. Hi.Ü

So now I know that a few of you are probably wondering when the drama will end. Well, it ends tonight. J Know why? Because I’m going to end it.

This week’s been alright, I guess. I’ve been reading my previous blogs (I just realize how unamusingly long they were and was amazed that some people actually read it) and, let me tell you something, it’s extremely fun. I mean, like, I can’t believe those things happened and that I had the patience (and enough blubbery-attitude) to write it. Anyway, I’m just so…happy. Because now, I feel part of me has returned. Only a few more pieces to go.

So what to write? Hmm…it’s One Tree Hill night tonight. What joy. I watched the eighth episode yesterday and it was alright. Oh, another thing I watched was McFly’s new Transylvannia video. Super funny!!! I love them more, especially Dougie and Danny. Gosh, they’re so hot. I also saw a few of their home videos. I swear, they’re the clowniest (is that even a word?) band members I know. How I wish I could get to know them. What more be “involved” with them. *snickers* And I saw Nickelback’s Far Away video just a while ago. I can only say one word: Aw. (Technically, though, that’s not even a word)

Remember how I said this year doesn’t feel new? I guess it was my mistake saying that too early. Because only now have I realized the true potential 2007 brings. I’m having so much fun now…I’m wondering what the next few chapters of my life would be. Things with my class have improved extremely. Now I can really say we’re close. And now, I could really wish for us to be together for the whole high school experience. I won’t mind, because I’ve learned to treasure them. I sincerely hope the few people in the class who are making true harmony hard to achive would back down, though, and change for the better. Because we all care for you to just be the better person that you are.

What else…oh yeah. VOTE ANNA BEATRIX DELA TORRE FOR PINK BATCH REPRESENTATIVE. You will never regret it, I swear. Right now, if you’re a little annoyed with her antics, it’s alright. Because in the end, you’ll learn to love her, just like I did. So make the right choice and vote the right candidate. Again, BEA DELA TORRE FOR PINK BATCH REP!!!

Anyway, Ima go now. I’ll end this blog with a few contrasting words in relation to my header.

There are two tragedies in life. The first is to lose you r hearts desire and the other is to gain it. Yes, they are tragedies, but without taking the risk, you’ll never experience the life in these challenges. Just be strong and allow nothing to break you. Not even heartaches. Depend greatly on yourself, because no one can help you get up when you fall except the person who fell in the first place. It’s your choice, all you have to do is take the right one. It’s hard to accept this at the beginning, but then in the end, you’ll know and realize I’m right in a sense. Tragedies are disasters. Misfortunes. Calamities. But the lessons you’ll learn from them are the same lessons that are going to bring you up and even personally introduce you to true and eternal happiness.

Don’t fret.

Ciao.

Bussi.

PS: If you wanna watch the new Mcfly video, just click this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-qm9TDZ4t8

Keep Holding On, Cause I Know We'll Make It Through

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 11:53:51 GMT

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY BENK, WES AND BLAKE!!! LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH..<3

So this week was...fun. I guess. I mean with the excitement of Valentines, the anniversary and certain special birhtdays...it's been the best week of my year so far. But slowly, as it begins to end...the complication comes in. Yet, before the problems, I want to share the highlights of my fantastic week.

Monday morning felt just fine. After the band auditions during the previous saturday, I found myself waking up at the RIGHT side of the bed. Shocking. I was actually happy...and giddy that day and I couldn't explain why. Maybe it was because I finally saw "JL" (see previous blog) again or just because. Anyway, it was a nice start. Even my friends noticed how happy I was. Imagine if I was really in love at hindi lang kinikilig. Tuesday was good. That's all. HAHA. I was happy..because the Science Long Test was postponed. Woohoo!! We had another class lunch. A very controversial one, might I add. God. We played truth or dare and I can't believe what I admitted!! Arg. That's why the next lunch I didn't go anymore. Embarrasing and...surprising. Because I said something I haven't even admitted to myself yet. So it was weird. Oh, and I finally finished watching Full House. Young-Jae...Young Jae...<3 :)) Wednesday was even better. At first I hated Valentines day because of my lack of it. But then, it was fun. I can't explain why, but it was. During the past years, I've never really celebrated it much but this year it was kind of a big deal. Also...I had some people to greet. Sad thing is, the only person who didn't reply back was the person I was terribly wishing for to text. :( oh well. We exchanged gifts (Karen and I) and, with a blink of the eye...it was all over. Thursday was alright. It was just ok. I was anxious, of course, because it was the day of the Science LT. Pft. That's actually the reason why I was acting like a drunk, obnoxious bitch during lunch. To the people I snapped at, I'm terribly sorry...:) I was just caught in such a bad mood because of the test. I really promise to myself (although its a little too late) that the next time, I'LL READ THE INSTRUCTIONS. :l The afternoon was fun. I gave a hand to my mom and helped her with her tutor and the two kids entertained me right before I went through the torture part of my day. The Social Studies LT was on friday and I had to study and read six long chapters about laws and the american imperialism. Yes, I suffered. Every after a chapter, though, I took a short break. Ok, I took about fifteen minutes, so what? I deserved it. You're not going to like the next thing I'm going to say though. Friday was the BEST. The Social LT was postponed. Yep, all my hard work and sacrifice was poofed out just like that. Anyway, it was a burden off my shoulders, as well, since if we did have it on the day, I would've most likely scored low. Anyway, yes Friday was the best of all. First of all, because it was gimmick day. Yay. Finally, an excuse to go out and have fun with friends. Our schedure was a little tight, though, because of Bea's meeting and the Vintage + other bands auditions. But it was great anyway. Could've been better if Karen was there to join us though. Oh well. She has to deal with her problems first. (I'll just be here for you dearest.) We arrived at the mall at about 2ish and then proceeded to eat lunch at Cibo. We played at Timezone for a while and then went around to go shopping for Eka and Kevin’s gifts. Also, we browsed through different stores. I was so frantic about what to give to Kevin cause really, I didn’t know what he’d appreciate. In the end, I settled with flip-flops from Bench (he has really large feet) and gel from Bench as well. For Eka? Well, we didn’t find anything she wanted or anything in the budget. Anyway, I’ll give her my gift on Monday. After that, we ate a Dairy Queen, took some pictures. Unfortunately, we didn’t have much more time to go around after that. Bum. So Bea and I went on our way to the Jamsyt, where we would be watching Vintage and the other bands perform their auditions. It was fun. GO VINTAGE!! :)) Bea was in a strange mood, though, because her mom, who was ready to fetch her, was sort of pissed. So we didn’t get to spend so much time there. Oh, btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN KEVIN ANGELES!!! Hope you liked my gift. :D Happy birthday to Angelica Florendo as well. Gosh, so many happenings on the sixteenth. Too bad we didn’t get to see Blake and Wes. Tsk. Guess it wasn’t meant to be. If it’s God’s plan for us to meet again, it’ll happen. Meanwhile, I’m starting to wish my hope for a love life didn’t come true. I give up, ngayon pa lang. J All in all, the week was fantastic. If given a chance to repeat everything all over, I swear I would without a second thought.

One Tree Hill’s starting. Oh yeah. I can’t wait to see the rest of the 4^th season. And, yesterday I saw some new updates in the book section. (I know, I know, nerdy) There's a new Shopaholic and the last of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants!!!!! Oh my gosh. I can't wait to get my hands on those! *squeals*

And now onto the more difficult part of my blog. Remember the two guys I mentioned the other day? Yeah, the second one is bothering me. I mean, I know I know practically nothing about him and we aren’t really that close but I really am starting to think I like him. I shared my thoughts with Eka last night—you were a great help by the way, dear—and before falling asleep I did realize she was right. I’m scared. Of rejection and for hoping for nothing. Call me a coward for this, but I don’t care. I hate it when I get my hopes up only to see them crumbling down. For this guy, I know it’s going to be impossible because a) he’s 100% taken and b) he shows no interest. But even knowing this, I still can’t get him out of my mind…or even stop caring so much. Why? The more I deny it, the more it gets worse but then if I acknowledge the feeling, yikes. I might end up…well…falling. It’s not impossible for that to happen, because I fall in love so easily. I can still remember…never mind. I’m so confused. How to take this feeling away? Please help me, anyone out there. Another weird thing is, there’s this new guy who’s hinting that he likes me. He’s good looking, he’s funny, he’s sweet, he’s practically the same as the first guy and yet, I show no interest. Maybe I like the chase? Come to think of it, I’ve never fallen for a guy who is on the offensive. I’ve always been crushing on dudes who I have to coax and pry and it was fun. With the first guy though, I’m really scared to do it. Why can’t I just like the guys who like me? It’s just life, I guess. My head is really spinning right now, and I’m trying to stop myself from texting him. It’s all Yannah’s fault. Why did she have to give me his number? Why’d she have to introduce him to me? Why is he so damn handsome? Why is he impeccably talented? Why is he so nice? Why is he bothering me?! Ugh. I hate being like this. Screw it. I love being single. The next time I’m lonely because I have no one to love and who loves me…I’m never going to whine and ask for someone to come in my life. No way. AHHHHH. I’m going crazy…I’m losing my sanity…and it’s all because of him. I hate you, but I don’t. I want to get to know you, but I don’t. I want to give up…yet I can’t and I won’t. Can someone please tell me what’s happening?

I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up

Ciao.

Bussi.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 09:13:11 GMT

BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALEX DE LEON!!! loveyou. <3

If We Were a Movie, You'd Be The Right Guy

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 09:10:55 GMT

The right guy. Hmmm. Can anyone tell me how easy it is to find this person? Not very, I think. Actually, believe me on this one, it's really not. I've actually experienced going on this hunt and it makes exams seem like rich, tasty chocolate (this applying to those people who DON'T like examinations--not like other girls i know....). Anyway, this topic in my blog isn't really new. It's just that today--and the next few days of the week--will be about love and all that crap so...might as well start the week with this. Just a few hours earlier, Paz, Eka and I were in the middle of a conflict (and still ongoing) and...guess what, it's about people who are in love. I want to ask you another query. Pretend I'm your friend {if you already are...you don't have to :))} and I have a boyfriend (now we really have to pretend) and you know that my boyfriend is cheating on me (at least, he's flirting with other girls behind my back). What do you do? Cause we told...and now we're suffering the consequences. I mean, I'd surly like to know if my boyfriend is doing fucking things behind my back and I'd even be thankful to my friends if they cared enough to tell me. But how come she is angry? Ahh. Whatever. In truth, the girl I am talking about isn't even my friend. Why am I making a fuss out of her problems that is evidently 100% none of my business? That's a good question.

And so another thing I was thinking about is about (redundant)...a boy. Two boys actually. One of them I've mentioned in a very recent blog and the other you probably have never heard of from me. So let's talk about the first guy. Let's say his name is JL. So I've met him before but he doesn't even know me. I used to like him...but I moved on. And then...I see him again, hotter than ever and has still no clue about my existence. The feeling comes back and, once again, I'm going gaga over a boy I can probably never have---not to mention never get to know. Unless, of course, his class decides to have a soiree with ours. Hmm. Hopefully I get to know him. Not sure if he's taken, though. Ohwell. Onto the other mind boggling guy. I saw him, I met him, he knows my name, OFCOURSE I know his. Problem: I don't KNOW him, if you get what I'm saying. Anyway, everyone has a crush on him..which is exactly why I DONT want to like him. I don't want to be another stalking, giggly girl (the same girl I've been ever since I began to like guys). For once, I don't want to obsess or to go...well...gaga. Which, if you have a pretty good idea of who I am and how I act towards guys who are goodlooking, is very very very weird. For me. And so today, he comes up in the conversation and, as I fight the urge to smile, his image refuses to disintigrate in my mind. WHY? WHY? WHY? Do I like him? How the hell did that happen? I swear I don't...but I just cant...you know...forget about him. And it's worse that I finally have a hold on his number. Major shit, right? But as I continue to deny accussations (of both my mind and my friend) the more I get the feeling that, deep inside..I do like him. Does the fact that I barely even know who he is inside make me shallow? It's hard to explain how this is different from the first scenario. But anyway...enough is enough. I'll have all night to obsess about all of this. Oh gosh, I hate it when valentines approaches!!!

February 16, 2006 is the day I laid my eyes of Wes. It is also the very day Eka met Blake. This Friday, our unforgettable encounter turns 1!!! And how else will we celebrate it? GIMMIK TIME!! Yay. We plan to go to the origin of the occassion...Gateway, and probably do the same things we did back then. Anyway, for that day Eka is my date (not in a freaky lesbo way) and we plan to give each other presents! My favorite. I still have no idea what to give...but I'll surely come up with one before the date. On wednesday (v-day) the four of us (BENK) assigned dates within the group as well. Of course, us being very meek in the guy sides of our social lives, we have no real dates for the day. Instead, we fill the lonley void in our hearts by being there for each other. Karen is my assignment. Haha. Martin, dear, what shall I give? Suggestions, anyone?

Tonight is Grammy Night. Tomorrow is ONE TREE HILL IV night!!! (not to mention Study for Science Long Test Night) I'm so excited (*saying it in a way Rain, the korean popstar says it on TRL* *snickers*) Oh, and before I ciao myself out, I just have to mention I have an iPod Dock now!! Yippeee!!! No more borrowing from daddy--who gets mad everytime he doesn't see his iHome in his dressing room. I have a dock...I have a dock...:D

So now I shall say buh-bye. Wish me luck with my guy pondering and also with this jingle I'm making about Tyding McDuffie Law. Eck.

BTW...the headline of my blog is derived from If We Were A Movie by Miley Cyrus. I swear, I HATE that girl but I love her songs. Know that feeling?

CIAO.

BUSSI.

I Want A Moment to Be Real

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 08:02:20 GMT

To all the people I love but hurt these past few weeks,

I know I haven't exactly been the greatest of friends since the new year's started. Not only that, I haven't given a reason for my peculiar behaviour as well. For that, I apologize greatly. It's just, ever since the start of the year (or even earlier actually) I haven't really felt myself. I don't know why and I certainly don't know how. I just do. This is part of the cause of all my secrecy. For the first time in my life, I'm unsure. I don't know the answer and I have no explanation for something really really important to me. I can't tell anyone, because I can't even tell myself what's happening. So please, I hope you all understand. I appreciate everything that you're going now, I see Bea and Eka everyday losing their patience and wanting so much to shake the truth out of me. I'm really grateful you restrain yourselves, though, as I so sharply--and meanly--ordered you to do. I can see your irritation and your anger. I feel so lucky you guys haven't left me. Karen says I'm irritable..I guess I'm just impatient. So many nights have I cried and asked for an answer, but none yet has come. A few scenes happening at home aren't helping either. Again, I'M SORRY, for putting all your patience into the test and for even inflicting pain. I don't do it deliberately. I just need some space and some time. At this moment, I may seem happy, but only those who really try to see know that this isn't who I usually am. Bea says I'm problematic. Well, for starters, I don't do that purposely. (Do you think I want to be like this?) I don't like seeing myself like this as well...especailly during the times I notice that I've bruised you guys. Please just bear with me, and just hold my hand along the journey I'm taking to find answers. I don't need your sympathy, nor do I want you to waste your time trying to comfort me. I just need your understanding and your tolerance. I know my limits, of course, which is why I will try my best not to hurt you anymore...because everytime I do, I end up hurting myself as well. It's so hard to explain, and as I'm writing this, I feel a pang in my chest all over. You guys are everything to me, I don't want to leave you or vice versa. If I'm distant, it's because I'm thinking and I'm trying to bite back mean remarks that seem to enter my head so often. THIS ISN'T ME. I'm still finding her. I know this reason isn't enough, but I hope you're still with me. Because I am--and always will be--with you.

I know you want her back...I do too. But I need to find her...alone.

I love you all so so much.

And I'm sorry.

I hope this doesn't change anything.

Muchos Love,

Nina

If you have questions...feel free to email me. proudtobenina@yahoo.com. I'm not currently into phone calls, so just write and I'll answer. Promise.

What's Past Is Prologue...or is it?

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 06:51:58 GMT

M- C- H- S F- A- M- I- L- Y D- A- Y

What does that spell? S-U-C-K. Yerp. There is nothing more suckier than the HS event yesterday. I'd arrived, like, four hours late for it, dragging my tired family with me and assuring them it'll be a blast and what do I see? A feild with limited games and booths in it with people I could probably count within five minutes. Hey, I'm not saying the Parent Council didn't do their best, what I'm implying is that it could've been WAY better. I think the theme of the occassion had its negative effect of the students, which led to the very low attendance. The freshmen actually took up majority of the population, probably because we are the innocent ones thus, we had no idea how much worse it could get from the first impression it gave us. I mean, Perya sounds like hella fun but I guess carnivals aren't so popular here. What I feel bad for, though, is the fact that I had to bring along my family--who actually brought the idea of not coming at all--and have them witness the emarrasment of the situation. :/ Um, yeah. Sooo kakahiya. But they left after, like, thirty minutes and left me there with Karen, Eka, Bea and Eden. And, the truth is, it would've been a lot more bearable if the escape plan we formulated had worked. We being B, E, K and I. Our plan was to depart for a movie or go around the mall in order to get away from the bore, but, due to unfortunate happenings, it was impossible. First of all, Bea couldn't go. Eka and her mom weren't really in good terms. I was short (and I mean short as in I had nada) of cash and Karen? Well, Karen was fine except if she were to continue on, she'd be alone. So, in the end, we just slid through the day. Eka left early, Bea did too and I was left with the refreshing company of Ms. Martin. Refreshing because we really haven't been hanging out often because of all the Speech Festival practices and it's kinda nice to be with her again. Anyway, after this Tuesday, we'd spend lunch the normal way so...yeah.

Vintage played during the family day. I have got to admit, they sounded better than they did during the time I watched them, not too long ago. Which is good. Darwin was aloof during his stay though. Snob. Oh well. :)) Buti pa si Jesse. But anyway, aside from Vintage there was this really rockin' Parent band named Pastish. They were into the old stuff but then it was fun listening to them. And they were really great. After Pastish was the final act, a band whose name I don't know but who did great anyway. They had saxophones, which was new, and Karen and I were pretty amazed by their uniqueness. At about five, I left the school, thinking only one thing:

THANK GOD IT'S OVER.

So, anyway, today's rest day. I've done nothing but go to Mass and eat. Homework? Later, as always. Oh, and I'm reading this amazing book by Meg Cabot entitled, How to Be Popular. I know what you're thinking, I'm totally hooked with desperation. Wrong. That's just the title. Anyway, I'm nearly half way throught the plot and it's getting better. I can't believe how much I've missed reading for fun--no matter how dorky or lame others might think that is. Plus, reading helps the writer in me to come out. Maybe the long haitus I took with my stories will end soon. Who knows. But new ideas have struck me, so it's not impossible. At least I'm thinking about starting again.

Remember how I wrote, last year, that I think I've lost myself? Well, I think I'm starting to find it again. And this year, hopefully I'll feel complete again. I just can't wait for the summer to arrive, laying out more time for me to begin my journey. Haha. But school's been pretty fun. NOT. The stress level's going high, again, but thank God the Speech Festival's nearly ending. That is, if we don't make it to the finals. If we do though, it's going to be a mix of great and...well...oh no. But it's better if we do. (<---Isn't that a song?)

Fall Out Boy has released their new album. Gosh, I can't wait to get my hands on it. I've heard a song from Infinity on High and boy do they sound good. And, oh, I forgot to mention that I've finished watching the whole series of another show. Summerland, it's called, starring my Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron. :) That was a really nice show. Too bad they had to cut it though, I would really like to see the real ending of the series. But, oh well. For those of you who are fans of the two guys, and of romance, try watching it. It's great. Watch while One Tree Hill still hasn't arrived. :)) But I do wonder when it's coming to ETC. Feb, probably. Hopefully. I've seen some of the episodes but I want to watch the whole of the fourth season already. Tip says it's wonderful.

Anyway, I'd better bid goodbye now. Sorry for boring you with boring details of our boring family day. I'm wishing that next year, it'll be waaaaayyyy better. Please lang.

Ciao.

Bussi.

VAIN PICTURES FROM YESTERDAY WILL BE POSTED ON NEXT UPDATE.

If You Want To Understand, Don't Ask. Listen.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 11:33:42 GMT

There are no words to express my happiness today. First of all, we finally, finally finished Yussouf. All it needs is few little tweaks here and there, and then we can finally leave the Sheik behind. :) That's a real big thing too, since lately, the production has really been stalking me. Just this last night, I was dreaming nonstop about it. Know what that means? Tama na. ENOUGH. I can't take it anymore. The dream was actually the reason I was late for practice (totally shameful since I was the one saying 'Don't be late or else' and stuff like that). I set my alarm for 7:00 and when it did come off, I hit the STOP button instead of the SNOOZE one and then went back to dreamland. Moments later, my mom woke me up, asking if the practice was cancelled or something. I checked my clock: 7:50. Yep, exactly 5 minutes till the call time I, myself set for the class. In the end, I had to pay 20 pesos (a fee too expensive but a price I set). Yes, me and my strict rules.

But anyway, after the really tiring rehearsal, Bea, Eka, Yannah, Paz and I proceeded to Kenny Rodgers, where we ate our lunch. We spent and hour and a half there, just talking and laughing around. It was also then that I found out Bea's class and my class are doing almost the same thing in the Speech Festival. Ugh, I hate that 'Great minds think alike' thing. (AS IF I was included in the 'great minds' category, but you get the point). We can't do anything about it anyway, unless one of us is willing to plan a whole new production (which I'm sure neither Bea nor I am willing to do). Let it be. In the end, it's all just going to be up to the delivery.

After Kenny, we bid Bea and Eka goodbye then proceeded to Myra's Subdivision, where the Vintage jam would take place. We had fun. :)) Really fun. :)) Especially since we (Paz and I) got to meet new people and FINALLY hear Yannah and Myra play. It wasn't as organized, but that was the sugar on top. I enjoyed the music AND the company, even though the guys didn't want their pictures taken. A little rundown of our new 'friends'. Kevin is talented and hot, Jesse is shy but funny and Darwin? He's, uhm...mysterious? I guess I didn't really get to see much of him, since he came, like, ten minutes before the studio finally kicked us out. :)) But, I've heard A LOT about him, so at least I got to see a glimpse of his personality. Oh, there was this other dude too, named Lester. He isn't part of Vintage, but then he's a friend of Kevin's who came over and joked around (in the end) as well. This thing is something I will definately not forget.

So now I'm home, blessed with a really aching back. Not to mention, I'm bored. I wanna watch a movie, but with the looks of it, I think it's going to be impossible to go. I think my dad's tired, so I wont pry any longer. Oh, and I also have 'Hawak Kamay' stuck in my mind, which, I know from experience, will take days to rid of. And I also have *e***'s face imprinted on my mind. I don't love him or like him or anything, cause, hello, I dunno him that much, but I see him because his face is really something I can't forget. So handsome. Shucks. Now I have Lex's face in my head. Oh no. Now that's going to be hard to get out. Yikes, the shiver's coming.

But anyway, Ima go now. Cause my back is totally, freaking hurting and I really have to lie down. Just a few words, though, before going.

TO YANNAH, MYRA, KEVIN, JESSE, LESTER and DARWIN: Thanks for making my day at salamat din sa pagpapasaya at pagpapaaliw sa akin.

TO PAZ: Loveyou. Thanks for coming with me at salamat din, hindi mo ako iniwanan. :D

DONT FORGET TO REMEMBER ME.

CIAO.

BUSSI.